There is a weird bias against bisexual men in media. Someone I knew even once said she didn’t believe bisexual men existed, all men are either straight or gay. For me self identification is important. If someone tells me they’re straight but I believe they’re bisexual, I’m going to call them straight.
I am a straight white man and I can’t even weigh in on this issue because if I defend the bi ppl ill get a stigma attached to me
i do wild shit to make the girls im dating lose attraction for me all the time. burping really loud constantly, saying the word “COCKS” when i sneeze, crying about wall-e, shitting with the door open. who cares?
You are my hero.
all I see are green flags
You need to come down from the flagpole
I’ve seen so many cases of staunch progressive groups weaponize a guys sexuality as soon as they have a falling out with him. Its like these people never believed what they were saying. People are so spineless and have no morals.
Sadly, this is a human trait overall. It’s deep in the lizard brain section from early in our evolution.
If someone is part of a group and then does something seen as against the interest of the group (or groupthink, really) then any tiny little thing can become a trait leveraged against them. Either the person on the outs basically accepts demotion on the social ladder and hopes for re-acceptance from the group as subservient to everyone, or they’re just out for good. It’s one of our worst traits from a rational perspective, it’s violent and irrational monkey-brain shit, and likely made for small homogeneous, tight-knit groups that could count on each other to survive harsh environmental conditions.
In my older age I’ve come to the realization that a lot of people join movements just to belong, not because they actually hold the conviction. I think in fact there are people who aren’t capable of even having a conviction, just bouncing between whatever expressive habits are most convenient socially
You see it with things like politics and religion too
Its hard to be morally consistent. But not impossible.
My favourite is the ones who scream about slut shaming then use “virgin” as an insult.
Although that seems to have fallen out of fashion lately.
That specific insult I mean, not hypocrisy.
It’s not out of fashion at all, “virgin” just became “incel”. The intent is identical.
Not at all. Incels are almost overwhelmingly misogynistic and into a lot of weird pseudo scientific shit. Incels are those claiming they deserve women but at the same time don’t deserve them because they’re too beta and all the rich alphas are getting 10 chicks a second, so they excuse their lack of success with dating in a lot of made up bullshit to delude themselves into never improving as people.
Incels are not just virgins, they’re basically a cult, and thinking people use it just as ‘virgin’ is either deliberately obtuse or ignorant
thinking people use it just as ‘virgin’ is either deliberately obtuse or ignorant
That’s just what people say these days, even if it’s inaccurate. They don’t care, they just want to insult and trigger. Who is the ignorant?
Not really. Incel implies a level of indoctrination into a misogynistic POV that has you convinced that you’re better off alone. It’s not the same as insulting someone for simply not having had sex yet.
edit: not that I think either is a productive thing to call another person
Incel implies a level of indoctrination into a misogynistic POV
No one is thinking this deeply when they call a man who just said/did something they don’t like an “incel”. People just use it mindlessly as an insult, same as with “virgin”.
Maybe if they’re really young and weren’t on the internet when the word became popular, sure
who else call people virgin anyways?
People always say stuff to me like, “You definitely live with your parents”. That one is super common. Like, who cares? It’s weird for me personally because I moved out over 20 years ago, but nothing wrong if I did live with my folks. It’s a world as hard as stone out there.
Living with your parents while working = being rich speedrun
If he’s a hot twink, then yeah no that’d be fine with me. Perfectly understandable.
Everymans straight until they meet a cute twink
People like this are the progressive version of evangelicals. And like with Christianity they don’t get called out enough to keep it from becoming a major problem.
Villainizing male sexuality is why we have a whole new generation boys heading into alt right circles and so far the response has been a variant of telling them to ‘man up.’ And its going to get a lot worse before it gets even a little better.
OMG i’ve been saying this for years and every time I get bashed for it (in liberal/left/prog circles)
Because you can’t suggest that the (liberal/left/blue/prog/nonfash) aren’t perfect or are doing something not ideal
they don’t get called out enough to keep it from becoming a major problem.
idk man 9 times out of 10 I hear someone talking about progressives, they’re exclusively referring to the most hypocritical ones. Like, when does anyone talk about the normal progressives that just want good things for everyone? That’s boring.
I don’t count conservatives
okay, but then, who else is talking about progressives?
This is the root of the problem with much of the discussion around male identity online.
Women finally, and rightfully, gained a voice, and plenty of dudes listened. Many of them, not really understanding feminism as an academic discipline or having any real sympathy towards any aspect of being a man, used that voice to point of the many issues faced by women in the world and to fight for women.
Where this falls apart is that because of the lack of real understanding regarding feminism and the concept of patriarchy, a lot of it boiled down to “shut up, the women are talking” and “we don’t care about your problems”
None of this makes the problems away, none of this is really geared towards equality, and much of it is just switching the genders on deeply toxic patriarchal power structures that were used to oppress women for centuries.
When you think about how stupid 90% of the people involved on both sides of this discourse online are, it’s of little surprise so many women went looking for easy answers from hucksters who pitched exploitation and oppression as empowerment.
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I really liked bell hooks’s approach to this. She focuses on incorporating male problems into feminism as a focal point, not excluding them.
Interesting. What’s a good place to start reading what bell hooks said about this?
The Will to Change by bell hooks is the one book that made me feel seen as a person. Usually I open a feminist book with the suspicion that the author will be like “all men are evil” and that usually makes me care less about feminism for a while. But that book was a pleasant surprise, it spoke to me and not at me.
I wouldn’t consider a woman that drops a guy for this reason to be a progressive.
You would be suprised by how much of the left hates bisexuals, without realizing that makes them as bad as any other bigot
Some of the weirdest shit I have seen in the LGBT sphere is how comfortable some of them are with dictating who is allowed to date who and whether or not their preferences are okay.
It’s the main reason I don’t really vive with the LGBT community. Don’t mind gays and trans and whatever else is out there. Normal people living their normal lives and loving the people they love and finding ways to be comfortable in their own bodies is how things should be.
But the LGBT sometimes reminds me of organized religion. It’s not the individual believer who lives his or her life in peace who is the problem, but the weird cultlike behavior going on in the group where everybody has to hold the same opinions that tend to become progressively more extreme over time until the church controls every aspect of your life. Including whom your are allowed to love.
But it is difficult to bring this up without immediately being labeled a phob because the LGBT owns non-straight sexuality and if you criticism the movement, you criticize all the non straight people.
BLM has similar vibes.
I just don’t like groups. Churches, political groups, grassroots movements, you name it. It all ends up the same in the end. With group pressure, control, shaming and ostracizing when you don’t toe the line.
If I learned anything in my 20s, its that being a part of any ideological groups is not in your best interest. No matter how good and safe it feels in the beginning.
blahaj.zone basically
Turns into an authoritarian cult. You’re either completely with them or fully against them
I’ve had these conversations with people before. I was telling a fellow man how I don’t care if my partner is bi. He said something like “woah man, there can be some major trust issues there” implying that her “homosexual needs” will lead her to cheat on me with my sister or something. I didn’t follow his logic.
I’m a straight male. My wife is bi. The most important part of her orientation, to me, is that it means everyone else was my competition for her love instead of just other men, but I still won.
That’s always how I looked at it.
As if straight/gay people don’t cheat all the time because they’re apparently not getting their “needs” met. The person being shitty is the issue, not their sexuality.
Exactly.
I wouldn’t say “the left” but biphobia is absolutely insane among non traitor lunatics.
biphobia is prevalent even among gays and lesbians. It sucks.
Absolutely. My wife was bisexual and many lesbians wanted nothing to do with her.
but it’s a good thing if it happened when she was your wife (if you’re exclusive ofc)
Anon wants that BUSSY without social stigmas. Based and gay.
The funniest part about this to me is that the AIDs epidemic actually forced medical researchers to accept that sometimes guys have sex with other guys, and they even created the term “Men who have Sex with Men” or MSM to cover this fact, since they aren’t necessarily gay or bi.
Like, society needs to get over this. Sometimes people have sex with other people. Sometimes they happen to be different genders, sometimes they’re the same. It only means whatever it means to the people fucking and little else
Did they say no homo first?
No but they kept their socks on so it’s good
Am I weird if I like to keep my socks on?
The no homo spell kills aids.
Um, no. I am an old Xer lady and we know men can be bi too. And like the ladies… sexuality is on a continuum. Some people just love to canoodle with young beautiful bodies no matter what flavor… and as we get older, old beautiful kind considerate people.
There’s a streamer who I use to follow. Use to because she slowly went alt right. Anyway, one of her hangups with partners was refusing to date any man she suspected of being bi because she didn’t want a penis that was up an ass in her. She also believes that most men are bisexual. She probably only dates men who are vocally homophobic.
Used to, not use to
She also believes that most men are bisexual.
It’s funny, because I see so much bi-erasure among gay friends. The idea that every dude is a 6 on the Kinsey Scale and just suffering through straight sex because they don’t know any better is stubbornly resilient.
I mean, yeah. Most men are probably somewhat bi, but the idea that most men will seek out other men or even admit to not being repulsed by other men is laughable.
I remember back in highschool, a guy being so defensive, he wouldn’t even describe what another guy looked like. I’m a straight guy, but I don’t have any issues being able to describe another guy as conventionally attractive.
I have no issues acknowledging a conventionally attractive guy, I do however seem to have absolutely no notion of what this actually looks like. I know by dint of existing in the 21st century that Brad Pitt, George Clooney etc are considered attractive, but for the life of me I couldn’t take that knowledge and apply it to someone else. I can spot an egregiously “unattractive” dude, but there’s a very broad spectrum of men that just look like “blokes” to me.
This was the 2000’s and I just used “wouldn’t look out of place in as a magazine model”, which while is a high standard, still has a lot of variety.
Do the men she fucks not wash their junk?
bi-/homophobic steamer went alt right you say?
sounds like she didn’t really “go” alt right as much as she came out as alt right. phrasing intended.
Her pronouns became alt/right you say?
True, but that’s semantics and I wasn’t going to write an essay on my phone.
wasn’t intended as a rebuttal
Easy solution, only date bottoms
She probably only dates men who are vocally homophobic.
You mean the ones who’re in the closet?
Please don’t equivocate homophobia with closeted homosexuality.
There are tons of homophobes who aren’t in the closet, and tons of gay guys in the closet who aren’t homophobic. Not to mention that using this as an ‘attack’ toward a homophobe is literally using gay as an insult, which is the same thing homophobes do.
It does gay people no good.
This is how she encounters so many closeted gay men.
So, she refuses anal… does she also refuse oral?
I know she makes her boy friends buy new sex toys cause instead of reusing one from previous partners. Honestly, anyone who would actually get with her deserves everything.
ehh… Sex toys are kind of a private and personal thing. I’m all for resusing and that, but I also wouldn’t expect someone to reuse my old partners underwear, or toothbrush.
Maybe, but I feel like if you’re going to be that way, maybe bring your own instead of making your partner buy new ones.
how does she feel about her ass being penetrated her or penetrating a guy’s ass?
The less I know about her opinions on sex, the better. She seemed to believe any outrageous sex act was more common than it probably was and decry the loss of common sense.
Did her streamer name coincidentally have something to do with 👟⬇️👨?
No. Cherries is my only hint.
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Ah yes, the gacha nazi and TERF activist with the weird rape fantasies. God, most Vtubers really are a bunch of scum!
Good on you for not falling into that trap
She’s really the exception as far as vtubers go. Lots of trans and allies in that sphere. Being able to use a digital avatar to represent yourself lends itself to trans people.
She use to be fun to watch, but that’s about 2 years ago at this point.
I’m just saying: as a guy, this is not the only double standard, and not the only thing that people see as “you did it once so you’re $thing forever” that guys go through.
It’s probably one of the most notable though.
As men, we deal with a lot of judgemental shit and we’re expected to deal with it “like a man”… Whatever the fuck that means.
Another good example of this is crying. If you have a mental breakdown and fall into a crying fit, people will brand you as a cry baby or some shit, and that will stay with you for a long ass time.
There’s so much more. I don’t have time to think of, nor detail any of it. Any fellas that have examples, I invite you too add them in reply. Ladies, you can too. And anyone else can, honestly; let’s not forget our non-binary family.
I’ve had two relationships with women immediately go downhill after I cried in front of them. It was like someone flipped a switch and turned off any physical attraction they had to me.
Those women need to grow up.
I’ve discovered that emotional availability means you’re available to mirror her emotions. If she’s mad, you better get mad. If she’s sad, you better get sad.
I’ve had two relationships with women immediately go downhill after I cried in front of them. It was like someone flipped a switch and turned off any physical attraction they had to me.
Can absolutely confirm this, myself, on a personal level.
Never let them see you genuinely vulnerable unless you want to drive them away, or want that to be weaponized against you at some point in the future. Sometimes even both, but never neither.
Only ever provide curated vulnerabilities that offer of themselves no true vulnerability, but satisfies any desire they may have to see vulnerability in you. Like being distressed at the sight of an unknown dead dog on the side of the road, for example. Clean, simple, controllable, and superficial.
Violate this tenet at your own psychological risk.
This is the way of things.
I’m not saying it’s right, just, or how it should be, but in my experience, yes, this.
I’m not saying it’s right, just, or how it should be,
What makes it infinitely more worse is that almost all women fully and absolutely deny this happens, even when behaving exactly like this.
It’s why such near-ubiquitous behaviour - and women’s hypocritical denial of its existence - is widely documented within both redpill and blackpill writings, and is one of the core reasonings behind MGTOW.
Such overwhelmingly predictable behaviours are what make those philosophies so devastatingly effective and compelling long before anything even mildly misogynistic crops up… after all, facts and evidence that survive tests of disproof speak volumes. These philosophies would have no reason to exist if behaviours and double standards like this weren’t everywhere, and all it takes for a man to see them properly is for their societal brainwashing to be disrupted.
I’ll be honest, I can’t imagine not being able to cry in front of my partner. It sounds depressive.
It sounds depressive.
It’s how “toxic masculinity” is forced upon men against their will.
Do we want to be sensitive and vulnerable? Sure!
Do we want partners that can accept that sensitivity and vulnerability? Of course!!But when the vast majority of women do not do as they say, or say as they do, the calculus becomes massively brutal and clear-cut: either cram that shit down to where it will never see the light of day, or see it emotionally/sexually revolt our partner and possibly even make them leave.
TBH I think “toxic masculinity” is a shitty term for the concept. It feels like calling forced female gender roles “toxic femininity”.
It sounds depressing because it is.
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I’m glad I’m not your friend.
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Grow up.
Wild thing to say after expressing one of the most childish opinions I’ve ever seen.
I’ll make sure that next time a loved one dies I’m not in public!! Just because some dude finds it uncomfortable to see other people be sad or upset. I’ll call my mom now, let her know she can only die when I’m at home in private.
I think my favourite part was “planning to have a mental breakdown” as if that’s something that people plan.
Like, yeah, let me just check my calendar for the day. Yeah, I’ve got lunch with Josh at 12:30, sales meeting at 2:00, mental breakdown at 3:00, panic attack at 6:00. Man, my day is packed!
Who the fuck plans a mental breakdown? Take that shit off my schedule damn.
my nephew was murdered, I helped raise him as a teenager while my brother was in the military. I cried in front of my “friends” and they judged me. They are no longer my friends. Terrible people. just like you
I’m glad you were able to rid yourself of those clearly toxic people.
I’m sorry that it took that event to figure out that they’re not worth having as friends.
I hope you are doing better after all of that.
Sincerely, ·some random dude on the Internet.
have your mental breakdown
You defeated your own point
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“If any of my friends are stressed and pushed to the breaking point, they need to schedule their mental breakdown in advance for a place and time when I am not around so they don’t inconvenience me.”
That’s more or less what you sound like
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It makes me bifurious
I chuckled under my breath
I exhaled a little more air than usual through my nose
I smiled but my breathing remained unchanged
How dare you
At least your not bifurcated.
Bread makes you fat?!
I think the difference is the perceived energy barrier if one wanted to fool around on their partner if they a bi vs het.
A bi guy could, hypothetically, find a guy on grindr pretty much on a whim if he wanted to. This is a much lower barrier than straight guys face unless they seek a sex worker. If you are a woman in the early stages of dating someone, where you don’t know yet how much you can trust a guy, if a guy tells you he is bi that can come off as a higher cheating risk than a straight guy.
Straight guys dating a bi-girl don’t have a similar perceived risk increase. Early in the relationship, guys may not even see the potential of a bi-girl hooking up with a girl as ‘cheating’, vs a bonus for his enjoyment. But also - finding a new girl to date is considered harder than finding an interested guy. So the ‘cheating’ risk doesn’t feel that much higher for guys dating a bi-girl compared to a straight girl; he may feel like he is still mostly competing against other guys.
Is this fair or even realistic? No, this is based on perceived stereotypes rather than the behaviors and character of individuals.
But this plays out at a stage of dating where people don’t know each other well yet and are relying on heuristics.
It’s also that gay sex is gross, and lesbian sex is ‘hot’.
The policing around male sexuality is far more intense than it is around female sexuality. Also applies to sexual assault and statutory rape. a lady does it, NBD, if a guy does it, it’s a heinous act.
Further, how many people agonize about female pedophiles vs male pedophiles?
how many people agonize about female pedophiles vs male pedophiles?
What makes this statement even more horrifying is that more and more evidence is emerging that - like with cross-gender rape between adults - rates of pedophilia in the general population seems to be about 50/50 between the genders.
As in, it is equally as likely for a child to be preyed upon by a woman as a man.
And society doesn’t give two shits about female pedophiles or their victims. Hell, if the pedophile gets pregnant, the government will even gleefully re-victimize the victim on a monthly basis the moment he hits legal adulthood by forcing him to pay child support to his rapist.
Now, for the purest example of anti-male gender bigotry, examine the fury and outrage if the genders were reversed.
Seriously, if a female pedo gets pregnant by her victim, that child needs to be taken away from her and put up for adoption. No way a young victim should be held responsible because that bitch raped him.
Sorry, female pedos are as repulsive and degenerate as male pedos. All the stories of kiddie diddlers that are female teachers or nannies make me ill and inspire violence (which I refrain from) but they deserve to be locked up…for good.
So they prefer to be with someone who would cheat at the first occasion but the occasion is hard to find than with someone who has no problem to find an occasion but decides not to?
I’d rather be disappointed early than wasting years on a scumbag
To be fair, this kind of kinetics-as-pevention works.
I use this strategy to prevent eating too many snacks – I do not keep them at home. I can’t have them if they are not here. If 90% of the time I would “choose” not to have chips, not-having-them stops me the other 10%
Maybe it works, I wouldn’t build a relationship on this principle though
Early in the relationship, guys may not even see the potential of a bi-girl hooking up with a girl as ‘cheating’, vs a bonus for his enjoyment.
Oh boy is that a land-mine I’ve stepped on.
A real, “wait I don’t understand what do you mean you’re in love with her?” moment that rang my bell back in my 20s. And then they ran off and got married. Which… hey, at some point how can you even be mad? They were clearly very happy together. Still sort of sucks to find out your axle was actually a third wheel.
This post is bi-reasiure
