Also, is self empathy even a thing? Is self empathy distinct from self pity?
Yes. But being kind and understanding towards yourself is a skill you might have to practice, if you were treated badly. And sometimes that is really hard to do by ourselves, and it’s okay to get help.
I think the difference between pity and understanding is - well understanding. E.G. I know I made a bad decision, but I was scared/tired etc. It was a bad move and I can try to do better in the future. It’s okay, we all make mistakes. That is how we learn.
While pity looks like: OMG why did I do this? Why did this happen to me? It’s so unfair. I was so tired/scared. How could someone put me in that position?!
Lots of folks replying don’t seem believe in self empathy.
That makes me sad.
Self empathy is the foundation of empathy toward others.
The golden rule - treat others as I want to be treated - only really became effective, for my friends, after I learned to treat myself well.
It’s the reverse; I have to constantly remind myself to treat me like I treat others. I despise myself and have great empathy for others, self empathy might be the foundation of empathy towards others for you, but that’s certainly not universal
The golden rule does not work. What if I like to be treated like shit? What if I like physical abuse because it gets me off? Does that mean I should treat others this way?
I think it is more complicated than this. I agree with you to a certain extent. Maybe it is mild autism or something but my sense of internal perceptive judgement is about like an extra internal entity compared to how most people seem to perceive the world. I do not see myself as an exceptional case or prioritize myself within the framework of self perceived justice. I ultimately care more about that justice than about myself as a person and I will act against my best interests to do what I perceive as right. Within this pseudo entity there isn’t consideration for how anyone feels, especially myself. There is right, wrong, and nothing else. I do not care about the emotions at all in that space.
So when you say “treat others as you want to be treated,” that falls into the scope of this pseudo entity and it just seems super silly to say. Like, of course I will treat you exactly the same as I treat myself, but I will not be emotionally caring or aware as that has nothing to do with objective right and wrong.
To me, emotions are a separate thing, and an area where I have far less depth. My empathy comes from my own hardships and insights projected onto others and a desire to be a positive overall influence on those I interact with. I cannot fix other people, I can only fix me, so I want to be the change I want to see in the world. I want to do right by you. I want to be supportive when I have none. I want you to be happier than me. I do this not out of reciprocal self interest, but out of a distaste for a harsh and cruel world where the only variable within my control is me. I only worry about the things I can change.
Is self empathy distinct from self pity?
Absolutely.
Pity is when I wallow in how unfair everything is to me.
Empathy is when I realize I genuinely got dealt a shit hand, then give myself some time to recover, and then get on with life.
Yeah, I absolutely have self empathy that is somewhat distinct from self pity. Though, that might be from being autistic considering I’m also the type to love to self deprecate myself by calling myself r*tarded and stupid in a joking and/or non-serious manner.
Why would I? He’s never done anything for me.
No I’m a useless piece of shit and I don’t empathize with myself at all.
present me is the chad and past me is the soykak
Self empathy is an oxymoron since empathy is about others by definition. As another said, emotional intelligence seems like a better fit.
In abstract, your former self is a different person. You have changed as a product of your environment and you will never again be that person you were in the past.
Emotional intelligence lacks any meaningful specificity and comes across to me as an insult, which is the antithesis of the intent of he post question. Semantics often lack substantive utility, especially within the subject of psychology.
Sorry for another waste of time thing to explore here on Lemmy. I always end up regretting and then deleting this type of good faith post.
What waste of time? Are we not just discussing here? Is that what you would’ve said to me if we were talking face to face?
Yes, depending on the tone, I would either confront the perceived slight or avoid talking to you all together.
The last bit about the post, no, I would not say that out loud but would internalize that the group I am in has incompatible abstractive thinking scope for such a casual conceptual subject of interest to me.
So what you’re really asking is. Do I have the capability of looking back at the person that I was 10, 15, 20, 25 years ago and empathising with who I was as being a different person at an abstract level?
Yes, but it is likely far less pronounced if you’ve had a reasonably stable life.
I’ve had the experience of relocating thousands of miles away multiple times in my life, halved my weight, abandoned the dogmatic tribal mythos of my birth, and have been disabled from a broken neck and back due to the gross ineptitude of a terrible driver. That last one forced me to completely reinvent myself.
One of the hardest relevant experiences was relocating long distance then returning some years later. Nothing will be the same upon return. It will feel just as foreign as moving away to the new place did. Such an experience reveals just how much we all evolve with time and how we are a product of our environment.
Something as simple as living on a hilltop versus on a flat floodplain may have a major impact on how you exercise regularly, and that may shape or come to define you in profound ways. Such changes are essentially a different person. Your hormones, interactions, mood, interests, and sleep patterns are collectively what defines you on a fundamental layer.
That person may have made regretful mistakes. Those mistakes may be very different than who you have become and how you might handle them now. The question here in this post is really about how you perceive those regrets or mistakes now. Are they just a regrettable weight on you, perhaps motivational through the negative feedback of self shame? Or, are you empathetic towards that person, trusting that they did their best at the time, in the environment, given the same pressures and constraints; acknowledging the complexities involved well enough to admit you do not know you would be able to do things better now, even after age and experience? In other words, do you see past the fallacy of dichotomous oversimplification of hindsight to see yourself as a real human? There is room for empathy in that reflective abstract perspective.
You’re not wrong. I hope you leave the post up.
Perhaps self-directed compassion would be a better fitting term?
Empathy is about feeling what others feel, where compassion is usually associated with acts of showing kindness. As another commenter has mentioned, being reminded to be nice to yourself in a situation can be important.
I suspect emotional intelligence and self awareness would be better terms for this concept.
The idea of empathising with yourself is an critical element of cognitive behavioural therapy, something I’ve struggled with in the past.
I try. I find myself even harsher on my mistakes and less proud of my accomplishments given current politics and policy keeps me busier than I’d prefer, but I try my best to see what I do in a more positive light.
Small steps.
Yes, yes, and yes.
Kind of…
I keep thinking about that day, that day where my innocent soul was shattered by the cruelty of the world, the one of lowest moment, probably the scariest moment of my life.
The day where my older brother had a fight with me and chased me around the apartment unit. I got scared, I was literally like 5-7. I didn’t know what to do. How do I not get hurt? Was what little me would’ve thought. So I ran towards the door. I left home. I was scared. I was alone in the world. The first time ever I was truely alone, not lost in a store, actually alone, out in the world. I mean, in hindsight, I probably shouldn’t have done that, but I was a kid, couldn’t expect that kid to be making good judgement calls. How did I even survive? Kidnappings were rumored to be common in my country, and it was pure luck I didn’t get kidnapped.
Every time I think about that, I cry, I feel so sad for that kid, “that kid” being my younger self over a decade ago.
Every time I see “normal” family relationships, I just keep thinking of “that kid”.
Its weird. Sometime I remember the exact PoV that day, being terrified.
Sometime I think of it from like a “movie” 3rd person point of view. And “seeing” that kid being tormented by his older brother just makes me rage.
Maybe the 3rd person view is me trying to distance myself away from it. Trying to cover up the mental wounds I got that day. That day. That day that I will never forget, that I cannot forget. The betrayal by someone who share the same blood as me, “brother”, huh? With that kind of sibling, who needs enemies?
So yes I keep having to relive that moment.
I kinda tried to seal off the memory, but eventually the Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) just gets piled up, the list of these events get longer. You can’t hide those memories, its always with you, for the rest of your life. They say if you have 4 “ACEs”, you are statistically more likely to have depression. Well, here I am, the statistics were right.
Fuck.
Yes. When I refelct on the past me I feel certain ways towards myself. It may make feel sad because I was hurt, get angry because I feel like I was treated unjust or pround because I achieved a certain thing.
I do not. It’s much easier to be generous towards others than myself.
