• phar@lemmy.ml
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        3 days ago

        Have you had sex before? Just wondering, trying to imagine what liking sexual things but hating sex is like.

        • dandelion (she/her)@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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          3 days ago

          kinda hard to describe, but as someone who has also felt that way, it’s maybe a bit like being hungry and enjoying food but also feeling frustrated by hunger and eating, and wishing I never had to eat …

          to be fair, I think this can also be a sign of dysphoria - my hypersexuality might have been connected to the androgen dominance I experienced, and my libido feels more natural with estrogen dominance now. I used to think I was asexual (or wished I were asexual), now I just think I was dysphoric about my libido.

        • Another Catgirl@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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          2 days ago

          I got the opportunity for sex, but we ended up cuddling and sleeping together instead because I was disgusted by the idea. But also I’m totally a gooner and read hentai everyday.

          • Cethin@lemmy.zip
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            2 days ago

            I don’t want to judge too much, but it sounds like you need therapy. You aren’t disgusted by sex, you’re disgusted by the thought of *you" having sex, which is odd. It’s like saying you don’t like a food without ever trying it. You need to be willing to give it a try at least once, with an open mind, to actually know if you don’t like it.

            • Novaling@lemmy.zip
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              2 days ago

              Gonna be real dawg, this is like telling a gay guy who’s never fucked a woman “But are you sure??? If you keep your mind open you might like pussy bro.”

              With the food analogy, you could hear a description of a food, and then make a decision on if you’d actually want to eat it or not. If I know I don’t like spicy-sweet and tropical foods in general and then someone says, “hey, wanna try this stir-fry with a coconut mango sauce?” I think I can make a reasonable assumption that I’d hate that shit.

              It’s up to a individual to decide if they want to have sex or not, and even though therapy might be needed to work through some thoughts, at the end of the day if you’re uncomfortable you just shouldn’t do it.

              • Cethin@lemmy.zip
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                2 days ago

                Sure, except they like the idea of sex. If they were disgusted by sex, sure you’re right. They aren’t though. It’s only they are disgusted about themselves being involved. That sounds like a mental block. It isn’t sex that’s the issue. It’s something involving themselves.

                • Novaling@lemmy.zip
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                  24 hours ago

                  Okay, I could’ve workshoped it more sure. But I feel like you can still get a similar idea from it. The dish is something that on paper sounds delicious, but when you actually try it it’s just okay or not appealing. I like fruit, I like ice, but I don’t really dig smoothies. It sounds appealing, but the end result is meh.

                  Sex sounds like this enjoyable thing, and for many it is, but the reality is you have to take the time to prep your partner, deal with fluids, deal with any sort of gross (but natural) shit that might happen. I guess I could treat it like a sort of porn vs reality situation; porn/ideas gives you the baked cake/finished meal while the reality is you have to bake the cake/make the meal yourself. I love steak, but I don’t want to go through the motions to make said steak.