kinda hard to describe, but as someone who has also felt that way, it’s maybe a bit like being hungry and enjoying food but also feeling frustrated by hunger and eating, and wishing I never had to eat …

to be fair, I think this can also be a sign of dysphoria - my hypersexuality might have been connected to the androgen dominance I experienced, and my libido feels more natural with estrogen dominance now. I used to think I was asexual (or wished I were asexual), now I just think I was dysphoric about my libido.