For some context, we are first generation immigrants. My parents are Russian, my mother and her husband have been living here for 20 years (even got rid of Russian citizenship couple years ago), my biological father is still living in Russia.
It’s damn exhausting to discuss political topics with them, especially my father. He keeps telling me how great it is to live in Russia, how their economy is doing great and how he’s proud that they are defending their “brothers” in Donezk and Luhansk from the evil bandera regime in Ukraine.
My mom voted far right in the past election. She doesn’t believe she voted for nazis, but the party’s views on economics, climate policy and immigration seem to align with hers. She believes wind farms are harmful for the environment. What the actual fuck.
Whenever I try to argue with them, they tell me that I’ve been brainwashed by “Western propaganda”.
I’m at a loss. I love my parents and I know that nobody’s immune to propaganda, but it’s heartbreaking to see them holding these toxic beliefs. How would you deal with parents like these? Should I just declare to never talk about politics with them again since it’s pointless?
Similar struggle. I told my folks (they live 2hrs away and I see them every 2 mo.) that they need to choose: a relationship with me or talking about politics. At first I gave a couple warnings, but after maybe 3 or 4 times. I reiterated, me or politics, and left without another word. Works with phone calls too. “Did you hear what Bide” click - I hang up.
Treat them like dogs - they’re trainable. If you abruptly leave or hang up every time, eventually they’ll get the hint. If not, they’ve made their choice and if it’s not you, then you’ll need to move on.
I didn’t travel 2 hours to talk about someone I’ll never meet. Let’s talk about ourselves and what’s new in our lives. What’s going on in the garden, what’s new in the office, whatever happened to what’s-her-name you used to hang out with.
they’re trainable
This does work from experience. It also obligates you to be the person that puts energy and work into the relationship without it ever being reciprocated.
At any point you can decide that it’s not worth it anymore, OP. It’s completely fair to decide that this minute or 5 years from now.
Easy. Log into their router next time I visit, adjust the DNS setting and redirect fox, oann, and facebook to actual news sites.
Some routers have DNS settings other than choosing a DNS provider? :0 What does setting this up look like generally?
Don’t discuss politics with them if you want to maintain contact as parents.
Smother them with a pillow while they sleep.
Edit: this comment will land on the right side of history
“If Russia is so great why do we live here?”
Tell this every time they start bullshitting.
The father still lives in Russia though.
The reality is that it was a mistake to give boomers unfettered access to the internet. Just like we dont hand Ipads to 5 year olds and let them click anything on YouTube.
I stopped talking to them because every time I did I would have to correct things that they say because I am more knowledgeable about absolutely everything given that I’m not a dumbass
Shit is so exhausting, though.
I wouldn’t.
I’d approach it from a personal level, as in, “you’re disgusting for doing this, you’re disgusting for pretending any of this bullshit is defensible. This is beyond the pale. I’ll talk to you again if you stop it with the crap, not before. I’m ashamed to come from people who would do this.”
I don’t know if it’s a good idea to try and talk actual policy points with them. You think they reasoned their way there? This isn’t politics, it’s assholish indecency. Treat it like the thing it is.
Debating people who’s entire thing is “don’t be serious but make the others be” is dumb. Clown on em, tell them you can visit when they stop being transparently awful. Make it their job to patch things up, and don’t use kid gloves. Don’t allow the idea that they have a point into the conversation. That only applies to people who have points. Nazi shit gets you put in time out instead.
Don’t take up the mantle of always having to put out the fire they keep lighting in the bridge between you. They’ll burn it down and try to blame you for it, mark my words.
I moved a couple states away from my family to minimize any interaction. It’s not just politics. Their politics are, however, and indicator that they’re not the type of people I want to associate with, so the extra distance facilitates less contact.
Of course, I moved to Iowa, which has since shifted from purplish to red. At least I’m on a blue city.
My therapist made a really great point when I brought up this exact issue with him. He asked if I value a relationship with my parents, and I said yes. Then he said that the price you have to pay for having a relationship with them, is never discussing politics.
It worked for a year or so, but then they voted for that rapist again, and I’ve since cut them out of my life. I’m not walking around on the eggshells of their bigotry and ignorance just so I can get some semblance of what some may describe as affection. You can only say/do so many shitty terrible things before I’m just done with you completely, and they hit their limit, so it was time to cash out.
Sorry, my advice of ignoring politics only works for a little while.
If you don’t mind me asking, how often did politics come up with your parents?
Edit: just for my own perspective, they came up a little with my father while he was still alive and very, very rarely with my mother who I still see daily. I gently gauge the political position that my kids have but I’ve raised them all with empathy as a central tenet of their upbringing so that’s more or less where they tend to fall as best I can tell.
I am not interested in ending up where you did and I mean that with kindness.
My parents have conservative talk radio and/or fox news on basically 24/7 in their house and car, so there was really nowhere I could escape their politics. I figured out that all their talk was BS, but could never convince my parents of anything. I could take a quote from their favorite host, and pair it alongside facts stating the opposite was true from an organization that they, themselves, were members of, and they still would dismiss me.
In reality, it’s not the politics that got between us, it’s that they’re shitty people.
Rapist? You mean Bill Clinton? Or Biden, who showered with his 16 year old daughter?
Oh. Wow. Really stupid. I’m so sorry
Well, you do know Ol Bill was at Epstein Island sword fighting with Trump.
Good thing I didn’t vote for either of them or Biden in 2024.
I’m gonna need to see the receipts on this one. Sounds like some ‘pizza dungeon’ tripe.
Clinton was impeached for, at best, getting busy with a staff member. Maybe you have a different opinion, but I have a hard time believing things would have gotten as far as it did publicly if what truly happened was just some banal impropriety. Oh my, he got a blowjob from a college aged staffer? I doubt there are many presidents who haven’t. Why did this get far enough for immediate public knowledge?
Biden… before AI image generation took off, the magats made tons of compilations of pictures and videos of him making young girls obviously uncomfortable. Too much to just write off as coincidence or bad timing of photos. The bathing with his 16 year old daughter was from public statements made by the alleged victim, stating that it had happened.
Beyond all that, I have to get this off my chest: Y’all motherfuckers believe Epstein island is real (and it was), but you draw the line of believability at: “There’s no possible way the global elite could have sex trafficking infrastructure in the area surrounding a common meeting location. They would never use such obvious code language around pizza and pizza toppings. You know, the code language that can be verified to have been used by pedos on 4chan in the clearnet and that’s also been noted by darknet reseachers.”
I’m not saying the trumptards were 3000% correct to target a specific business owner, or it was in any way OK to condemn by public opinion without any true investigation.
But you are certifiably insane if you somehow don’t think that the elite have human trafficking services including heinously illegal and horrendous shit available at practically every port of call. That’s basic fucking kompromat generation tactics that most intel orgs the world over would be chomping at the bit to support. Fuckers.
I know I keep my tinfoil hat nice and shiny on this shit, but of all the things to push back against, you choose “The fellows at the top are likely rapists”?
I don’t talk politics. Not at work. Not to my parents. I just keep my opinions to myself to keep my sanity.
This is the way. Most loud people don’t talk politics, they just convey the latest talking points because they feel like being rewarded.
Just stay out of the stupid-shouting match.
If you’re set on doing this you need to accept you may never be successful.
Also it has to be something gentle, not necessarily subtle, but compassionate. If you don’t accept that they believe in their views then they will only feel attacked and lash out for defense.
As for actually changing their views, choose one or two things that you can point to in examples they can observe. Propaganda has a very hard time defeating our own eyes and ears. I don’t even know which country you’re in so you’ll have to figure that out for yourself.
Another way to change their views is to get them to volunteer with organizations that help people down on their luck. A lot of times, just hearing the stories of how people ended up in need of help can change attitudes.
I work in Arizona with the homeless and downtrodden. The overwhelming majority of them are right wing and are homeless because they actively refuse help, among other severe mental health issues.
That sucks. I’ve had the opposite experience. Obviously the mental health issues are a thing but usually the people without those issues are keenly aware of why they slid into homelessness.
This is a positive recommendation :) know that you might succeed, but attempts coming from compassion instead of belittling or impatience. I tend to engage in asking certain questions until they reveal to themselves that they don’t support the things they’ve been tricked into believing
Should I just declare to never talk about politics with them again since it’s pointless?
Yes. I thought that was obvious, when have you ever seen children being able to convert their parents?
My mom was a conservative along the lines of McCain and Romney. My sister and I played a part in converting her, but Trump did the heavy lifting.
My parents were anti-gay marriage back in the day… they converted when they were faced with the fact that ALL OF THEIR KIDS are queer hahaha
They’re totally cool with stuff now, and very much not right-leaning anymore.
I unbrainwashed my mom but not my dad
Yeah. As Dave Ramsey says “If they’ve wiped your butt, you’re probably not going to change their mind.” Lol.
While this is not incorrect, it needs to be stated for the record that Dave Ramsey is a fucking tool.
Let the record so reflect!
Just avoid the conversations. You can’t change their mind.
I have conservative parents. I’m hoping it will personally affect their lives enough that they understand how ignorant and irrational they’re being.
If they’re drawing social security or on Medicare you may get your wish soon.
Or just show them video of trump talking about how he’s going to slash entitlements.
I think a psychologist would say that if you really can’t find common ground, it’s best to agree not to talk about it.
Indoctrination is highly effective. Your parents were raised in a place where toeing the line is the norm and questioning those in power is traditionally a great way to ensure you disappear. Russians are deeply indoctrinated when compared to western nations because that’s how their society has been set up since 1922. The Soviet leadership ruled by suppressing any dissent, violently and without remorse. Just because the Soviet Union no longer exists, doesn’t mean their ways of doing things disappeared too.
The only way to change them would be to engage in an equally sophisticated program of indoctrination: deprogramming as it’s called. Since you lack the resources of the Soviet Union, it would be a much more difficult task, especially since your parents are now older and their brains are less changeable. They were indoctrinated as children and by a very prolific system. Reversing that now, by yourself, is a tall order.
I’m sorry your parents were failed by their leadership, it’s truly a shame.
