Mutual fund Fidelity, which owns stake in social media platform, marks down value of its shares in disclosure obtained by Axios
    • agegamon@beehaw.org
      32·
      11 months ago

      Literally only the best strategies here! I mean lets recap:

      • Threaten to buy company then double down and agree in writing as a bullying tactic: check
      • Roll a nat 1 on your intimidation check: check
      • Be forced to follow through when called out on being mentally an 8 yo by the feds: check
      • Fire critical employees, like basically all of them: check
      • Yoink verification away from public news orgs: check
      • Let anyone pay to be “legit,” even if they’re parodying you: check
      • Rename twitter to the stupidest thing imagined since head-on (apply directly to the forehead): check
      • Gut content moderation policies but also stop enforcing regardless: check
      • Post own hate content and racism to the platform: check
      • “Accidentally” run ads next to hate content: check
      • Be told your sign sucks and to take it down by city: check (lol)
      • Become a living embodiment of “big yikes” energy while telling aforementioned advertisers to “go fuck yourselves” on live TV: check
      • Hallucinate about making x into a libertarian wechat alternative: check
      • Tank the value of the company while blaming literally anyone else for your failures: mission in progress, #1 priority

      10/10 solid buy, gonna grab some long calls rn. The koch boys and rupert murderjock must be holding back a tsunami of jealousy by now 🤣

    • some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org
      10·
      11 months ago

      He’s a genius playing 8D chess. You just don’t understand. By this time next week, Twitter will be the only website in the world and Lonnie will laugh at you from mars. Just watch!

      • renard_roux@beehaw.org
        4·
        11 months ago

        Insert Bond Villain Plot™ where he’s secretly buying all the EMP-hardened server parks in the world, and it’s getting ready to orbital-nuke everything except Shitter servers back to the stone age.

        And of course he will brick every phone and computer everywhere, so nobody will be able to use Shitter, but God damnit, it will be the only site left!