Try being a parent and get back to me. There isn’t a parent in the world that doesn’t make sacrifices. Even bad ones do. There’s no way to raise a kid without time and money and loss of sleep. Even if you do a bad job.
Yes, parenting is hard work. I have kids myself. It’s not easy and can be rather thankless at times.
I think what people are downvoting/getting upset with you about is that there’s a lot of parents who take the above and say “you owe me XYZ. Do you know how much I sacrificed for you !?!” My family did this to me. It’s heartbreaking when they pull this card and you’re just trying to get them to…well just not be shitty towards you and your family.
You kinda opt-in to the thanklessness a bit. Which renders the “owing” argument moot.
Yes I understand this is coming from people who feel (probably rightly) that their parents weren’t good parents and didn’t do enough for them, and which may have said the things you mention.
But even taking all of that as true, those parents, as bad as they may have been, still made sacrifices for their kids. I agree that this is a horrible thing to hang over their heads, but it doesn’t make it untrue either.
I also agree you are signing up for this usually thankless job and should be ready for that. But that also doesn’t negate the fact that you are making some sacrifices to be a parent.
I think you’re conflating the concept of an opportunity cost with a sacrifice. There is a lot of joy in parenting, and not getting to hang out with friends because you have to take care of your child isn’t a sacrifice, it’s the cost of having a child. Not every single thing you give up is a sacrifice.
Yes I suppose you could apply that to anything and say sacrifice doesn’t exist for anything. But since we are discussing it, I don’t think we are in the mindspace you are proposing.
Nah, sacrifice in regards to your children is absolutely a mindset thing. You can cognitively restructure your thinking in this case.
If you look at your children and think “wow, I’m not getting anything out of this” I can promise you that your children feel this and will become very distant to you when they grow older. They know when you just think they’re a burden.
This is true for any sort of sacrifice. Volunteering, saving people from burning buildings, giving your last dollar to someone more in need.
To be clear, I look at my children in the way you describe. I don’t hold “my sacrifices” over their heads, it was a decision I made happily and don’t regret. Same as when I donate money, help someone on the street, etc. But IMO just because it’s a decision (even made happily) doesn’t mean it’s not a sacrifice at the same time.
It’s an expectation and a sacrifice. By having kids you made the choice to make some sacrifices.
In the definition of sacrifice there is no provision for how much you wanted to make said sacrifice or what the motivation was. Simply that you gave one thing up for another thing you found more important.
sacrifice
/săk′rə-fīs″/
noun
The act of giving up something highly valued for the sake of something else considered to have a greater value or claim.
“Social activism often involves tremendous sacrifice.”
Doing the legally mandated minimum isn’t a sacrifice.
Try being a parent and get back to me. There isn’t a parent in the world that doesn’t make sacrifices. Even bad ones do. There’s no way to raise a kid without time and money and loss of sleep. Even if you do a bad job.
I’ll engage honestly with this for a sec.
Yes, parenting is hard work. I have kids myself. It’s not easy and can be rather thankless at times.
I think what people are downvoting/getting upset with you about is that there’s a lot of parents who take the above and say “you owe me XYZ. Do you know how much I sacrificed for you !?!” My family did this to me. It’s heartbreaking when they pull this card and you’re just trying to get them to…well just not be shitty towards you and your family.
You kinda opt-in to the thanklessness a bit. Which renders the “owing” argument moot.
Yes I understand this is coming from people who feel (probably rightly) that their parents weren’t good parents and didn’t do enough for them, and which may have said the things you mention.
But even taking all of that as true, those parents, as bad as they may have been, still made sacrifices for their kids. I agree that this is a horrible thing to hang over their heads, but it doesn’t make it untrue either.
I also agree you are signing up for this usually thankless job and should be ready for that. But that also doesn’t negate the fact that you are making some sacrifices to be a parent.
I think you’re conflating the concept of an opportunity cost with a sacrifice. There is a lot of joy in parenting, and not getting to hang out with friends because you have to take care of your child isn’t a sacrifice, it’s the cost of having a child. Not every single thing you give up is a sacrifice.
Yes I suppose you could apply that to anything and say sacrifice doesn’t exist for anything. But since we are discussing it, I don’t think we are in the mindspace you are proposing.
Nah, sacrifice in regards to your children is absolutely a mindset thing. You can cognitively restructure your thinking in this case.
If you look at your children and think “wow, I’m not getting anything out of this” I can promise you that your children feel this and will become very distant to you when they grow older. They know when you just think they’re a burden.
This is true for any sort of sacrifice. Volunteering, saving people from burning buildings, giving your last dollar to someone more in need.
To be clear, I look at my children in the way you describe. I don’t hold “my sacrifices” over their heads, it was a decision I made happily and don’t regret. Same as when I donate money, help someone on the street, etc. But IMO just because it’s a decision (even made happily) doesn’t mean it’s not a sacrifice at the same time.
I literally have two kids, one autistic.
Doing the bare minimum isn’t a sacrifice. It’s an expectation.
To me, a sacrifice is something you choose to do for someone else. Not the minimum you do to avoid prison for child endangerment.
It’s an expectation and a sacrifice. By having kids you made the choice to make some sacrifices.
In the definition of sacrifice there is no provision for how much you wanted to make said sacrifice or what the motivation was. Simply that you gave one thing up for another thing you found more important.
sacrifice /săk′rə-fīs″/ noun The act of giving up something highly valued for the sake of something else considered to have a greater value or claim. “Social activism often involves tremendous sacrifice.”
If I put a gun to someone’s head to donate to charity, was that a sacrifice or a theft?