• Beebabe@lemmy.world
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    1 day ago

    Millennial here. Have recently dabbled with the apps. Honestly the guys I was shown were not objectively bad looking. Many of them were pretty attractive. But not my type at all. My interests were books and video games and nerdy sweetness…and it kept recommending me muscle gym divorced military dads. So I gave up.

    • CascadianGiraffe@lemmy.world
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      5 hours ago

      Which app? Cause I can’t find the nerdy girls.

      The algorithm just pushes all these women who are wanting someone who will house them and take them on worldly vacations.

      • Beebabe@lemmy.world
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        4 hours ago

        I tried bumble and hinge, got the ick, and gave up. Yeah, I’ve heard people saying something similar; going on about women looking to be housed. It’s such a huge turnoff and it makes me consider their financial insecurity, to be honest.

        • CascadianGiraffe@lemmy.world
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          4 hours ago

          Most people seem to accept living on debt or handouts. It’s strange. I see everyone around me (both sexes) acting the same. So it’s not even a dating app issue, I think it’s a people issue. Offer nothing and expect everything in return. Maybe it’s an American thing?

          I don’t want to be grouped into incel mentality, but is there a dating app to meet people from another country?

          • Beebabe@lemmy.world
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            3 hours ago

            I don’t know, it could be your immediate environment. I certainly noticed this behavior in some friend groups, but not others. I don’t think you need to go that far to avoid the behavior. Just be vigilant and expect reciprocity.

    • blarghly@lemmy.world
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      18 hours ago

      Most likely, this is because the nerds who know how to present themselves have already gotten nabbed by some girl. Nerds who are unable to present themselves well are relegated to the bottom of the pile, since nearly all women will swipe left on them. Jacked, divorced military dads are at least jacked, which is something many women find appealing, so they end up higher on the stack.

      • Beebabe@lemmy.world
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        18 hours ago

        Yeah, I think you make a great point here. Most of my gamer friends are couples with children. Unfortunately, I have no interest in jacked dudes at all, but I think most people probably do lean into that on dating sites. I figure at this point and age if I meet someone, great. If not, I’ll be fine.

    • exasperation@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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      14 hours ago

      muscle gym divorced military dads

      I know a bunch of these dudes, and most of them are into books and video games.

      Something about the RPG grind mechanic in certain video games and a typical strength/barbell progression program scratch the same itch, so people who tend to be into one are also into the other.

      • Beebabe@lemmy.world
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        13 hours ago

        That’s very interesting…I’ll have to take your word for it. My ex was in the military and my experience was…not that. I’m sure some are wonderful people.

      • Beebabe@lemmy.world
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        18 hours ago

        After the third/fourth gen of Pokémon I kinda lost interest. Whenever it was they started being jet skis.

        Add tower defense and sim games to the list though. DnD based games, although I’ve played tabletop from time to time, just too much of an introvert to join a random group.

        Anyways, when you’re swiping in my age range there aren’t a lot of folks with these interests in my area. Maybe I’m too old and get shown whatever.

        • KatakiY@lemmy.world
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          16 hours ago

          I think a lot of nerdy people need to just start going outside and doing stuff. Like, if you enjoy DND roll up to the local hobby store and start hanging out, even if you arent playing.

          None of this is targeted directly at you, just as good a spot as any to rant… lol

          I think more people would be surprised that the horror stories are the minority. At my local game story I go to a painting night once a month mostly to hang out and chat. There are a pretty even split of women/men.

          Point is I think this a safe spot to make friends and making friends is the only way to get into a relationship you’ll actually enjoy.

          I met my girlfriend doing Star wars rp. My friend met his girl playing magic l. All my single friends have something in common. They don’t make time for their hobbies and don’t hang out with like minded people in that space.

          Just a side note I’m not saying that everyone should go harass people at their FLGS or use it as a dating service, but rather, going out and hanging out with like minded people opens up a lot of options that aren’t on dating apps.

          I’m pretty introverted too but when people are into whatever my hyper focus is it’s much easier to open up. Go out there! Be uncomfortable! Not a cure all but it’s something.

          • Beebabe@lemmy.world
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            16 hours ago

            For me, the biggest impediment is really having to work a full time job. And being in my late 30s, a lot of these activities are described to be for 20-30s in the meetups app. I agree though, I’ve met some nice people at gaming stores when I was younger and had the energy. So this is good advice.

        • WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today
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          17 hours ago

          Let’s see, I’m in an entire server where people your age are playing pokemon tabletop. Ok, it’s not even funny anymore. I wanted to make a joke about how I’m single and into those things, but it really is like that.

    • untorquer@lemmy.world
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      23 hours ago

      Yeah at first it is. The algorithm learns about you over time and it gets a little better with regular use. It still has a bit of a blind spot around nerd/geek culture.

        • untorquer@lemmy.world
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          20 hours ago

          Yes, they literally are fuck algorithms. 🤣

          Not a fan of how corporations make them work myself but understanding a little about them can make things like this a little less frustrating.

          I would argue that the existence of an algorithm isn’t inherently evil, they just ruin things when they’re designed to maximize profit.

          • Grimtuck@lemmy.world
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            18 hours ago

            Is it really in the apps interest to find your perfect partner or just ones that bring you back to the app again and again?

            I’m not convinced they’re looking out for your best interests.

            • untorquer@lemmy.world
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              17 hours ago

              It may be more profitable to have regular success stories getting churned. The algo looks out for the best interests of the company’s profit. Sometimes things line up.

      • Beebabe@lemmy.world
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        18 hours ago

        I wondered about that too. I certainly didn’t see any profiles to match my interests. I wondered if “my type” just didn’t use the apps at all.

        • untorquer@lemmy.world
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          17 hours ago

          It’s all conjecture. I suspect the algorithm puts it towards the bottom of the stack because there’s more money in casting a conventional net.

    • Track_Shovel@slrpnk.netOP
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      1 day ago

      I don’t blame you. The algorithm is gonna force you to look at what people your demographic like despite whatever input you give it. At least it seems this way with how algorithms in general seem to work on social media. The amount of dick pill ads I get is way to high.