The latter made me aware of the former.

The names were first. The locations are named after names.

Even America was a name first.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amerigo_Vespucci

Like always, google is doing things for free to get training data.

All things are going into an authoritarian direction which needs control of the opposition. Google will have the infrastructure to identify people with opposing mindsets. There won’t be a rebellion if the rebel leaders can be locked up in time.

The biggest pill was that I am not intelligent. I was just studious and invested enough time to pass exams. People not doing what they should do is not them being stupid but me not grasping the full picture.

The second biggest pill that I am still swallowing is that I am not a good person. I try to behave in a good way, but it’s manipulative and not authentic. People don’t like goodness if it doesn’t come from the heart.

Also, when you finally say “no” to them, they act as though you’re a terrible person.

To them, it looks like they are the only person to which you say no. This means that you say no because of them. People don’t like being questioned like that.

Add some assurance that the no is not personal.

It seems like you escape your inner conflicts by being industrious.

Not professional advice but instead of going, you could halt posting for a moment and focus on your breathing. It will assure you that you are safe, and you can let the conflicts become a bit more aware without feeling overwhelmed by the terror. Do this for some time and you create the space to transform your conflicts.