Lol this guy over here using the stars to navigate.

Anyone that says anything other than Choco Taco is a coward.

I tried the same thing, but this time with US presidents and Mountain Dew Baja Blast:

Introducing Mountain Dew Baja Blast: A Taste That Brings Us Together

Scene opens with a roundtable of U.S. Presidents from across the political spectrum—each standing in front of a Mountain Dew Baja Blast can.

George Washington (standing tall, holding a Baja Blast):
“In my day, we were forming a new nation. We believed in liberty, but perhaps we were a little too focused on tea. This… this is a drink that captures the spirit of adventure and new frontiers. It’s bold, it’s refreshing, and it reminds us that change can be just as sweet as the past.”

Abraham Lincoln (nodding thoughtfully):
“It’s important to recognize the power of unity, and how something as simple as a new taste can bring people together. We faced division in my time, but in the end, we knew that compromise and understanding were essential. Baja Blast—its bold flavor, its ability to stand out—reminds us of what it means to embrace difference without fear.”

Theodore Roosevelt (slaps his hand on the table with enthusiasm):
“By all means! This drink, like the spirit of America itself, is robust and unafraid! We stand at the helm of progress, and Baja Blast is a symbol of that energetic, forward-thinking attitude! If you don’t like it, get out of the way!”

Franklin D. Roosevelt (smiling as he takes a sip):
“During times of uncertainty, we often turn to new ideas and innovations to push us forward. Baja Blast is a reminder that even in the darkest of times, there’s always a spark of hope—something new and refreshing to lift our spirits. It’s a taste of the future, rooted in progress.”

Ronald Reagan (grinning, holding a can aloft):
“Well, folks, this Baja Blast sure is a taste of optimism. It’s got that sweet, tangy flavor that makes you want to believe in the American dream. It’s a drink that doesn’t apologize for being bold. In my day, we called that American exceptionalism—and this, my friends, is exceptional.”

Bill Clinton (chuckling):
“I have to admit, I didn’t expect a drink to taste quite like this. It’s complex, refreshing, and just the right amount of zing. It’s got that little bit of unexpected, just like life in politics. Whether you’re from the left or the right, sometimes you just need something that makes you smile.”

Barack Obama (sipping carefully, then smiling):
“What I like about Baja Blast is that it’s a blend of the familiar and the new. We all know what it’s like to face change, to navigate uncharted waters, but with balance and perspective, we can build something truly special. It’s a reminder that our differences don’t have to divide us—they can inspire something unique, something refreshing.”

Donald Trump (holding up the can):
“Let me tell you something—this drink is huge. It’s a winner, believe me. People will love it. It’s got a taste you can’t ignore, just like the Trump administration. This drink stands out. Baja Blast knows how to get attention, and that’s what we need more of. It’s the kind of boldness America thrives on.”

Joe Biden (laughing warmly):
“This Baja Blast? I like it. It’s about bringing people together, having a good time, and remembering the little things that make us happy. It’s like a family BBQ—simple, but memorable. And we could all use a little more of that, don’t you think?”

The scene zooms out, showing all the presidents sharing a toast.

Narrator (in a deep, reflective tone):
“No matter where you stand in the history of America, there’s one thing we can all agree on—sometimes, the best moments happen when we come together to enjoy something new. Mountain Dew Baja Blast. A taste that’s as bold as America itself.”

The screen fades to the Baja Blast logo.

Rosa Parks (smiling as she tries a bite): “You know, I took a seat once that changed things, and I’d do it again right here for this taco.”

Jesus fucking Christ dude.

This is the best part about growing up in Colorado. The mountains are west. It’s like having a cheat mode compass enabled all the time.

Goddamn Peppa Pig is indoctrinating our youth!

Fucked the shit out of bears

I had an argument with my neighbor a few months ago. He was dead serious that it’s the Democrats’ fault for making young men Nazis. His arguments were basically exactly what this comic is saying. If you tell someone that hating minorities is wrong, that just makes them hate even harder.

It’s this type of thinking that is the reason our country is so fucked.

“If climate change is so bad, I’ll just move somewhere else.” Yeah but what about all the billions of other people in affected areas?

“If you need an abortion, just fly to another state where it’s allowed.” Yeah but what about people that are too poor, in an abusive relationship, or need an abortion immediately?

“If we get rid of Obamacare, my insurance will be so much cheaper.” Yeah because they can immediately throw off anyone that actually relies on their insurance to stay alive.

The examples are literally endless. People vote like they’re the only person that exists and fuck everyone else. They’re the worst. And apparently there’s a whole lot of them.

I remember like a year or two ago when they officially announced these products are LESS effective than a placebo. How the hell is it taking so long to get them off the shelves?

It’s mind blowing this is what passes for normal conservative conversation. In a minute and a half, they hit on:

1. Trump is a hero

2. Trump is so cool because he made racist jokes about Harris

3. It’s weird that Biden would peacefully transition power to someone who plans to be a dictator

4. Bashing on trans people

5. Prosecutors should get the death penalty

6. They voted for Trump because he is a criminal

The flight from Denver to Las Vegas is just over an hour. I was meeting some friends in Vegas for a bachelor party and texted them saying I was taking off. The conversation went like this:

Me: Flight is taking off now, will text you when I get in.

Friend: Just sat down at the blackjack table at Treasure Island. See you in a bit.

Time skip ahead to me landing.

Me: Just landed. You still at Treasure Island?

Friend: I’m down 4 grand. Went back to the hotel.

Probably worth financing it. What you lose in interest costs will probably be worth it if these tariffs go through.

That’s the first thing that came to my mind as well! I don’t know why, but Satisfactory’s spiders really get to me. I can’t play it without the kitties turned on. It’s the only game where they bother me.

Hey, quit shitting on my silver lining. I choose to believe he’ll die soon due to Macdonald’s induced heart failure and you can’t take that hope away from me!

Yeah, it was bad when Bush was reelected. But even then, I felt people were treating politics more like a team sport than actually chosing the most qualified leader. But now I feel like it’s gone from “rooting for me team” to full on cult mode. My neighbor across the street has 6 Trump signs on her house. That’s not normal behavior.

Also be prepared for the national debt and deficit to no longer matter. Classic GOP playbook.

I’ve been looking for silver linings. The two I’ve found are:

1. Trump probably won’t live to see the end of his term. Dude is old and not exactly healthy. One could argue Vance taking his place would be worse, but I’m choosing to focus on the positives here.

2. Trump winning very likely prevented a civil war. I know a ton of people who had been stocking up on supplies and weapons. Again, one could argue giving these people the keys to the kingdom probably wasn’t the smartest move, but again I’m trying to focus on the positives.

True. Trump does not hold a monopoly on suck.