They’re not looking at you, black hole… They’re looking with you!

It was either the shrimp or the bean sprouts in the food court Pad Thai. I was visiting my S.O. in Canada and wound up in a 3-day war with food poisoning. I could not stop puking and shitting. I shit so much acidic death juice that my asshole was in absolute agony and never cooled down. It was like someone had fileted and cauterized my rectum. I couldn’t even sit on the couch properly. Fortunately, her sectional was old and had collapsed in on itself in the very corner. I sat in this corner, right on top of the collapsed portion. It was perfect for supporting my body without making contact with the seat of my pants. I sat in this corner for three days watching weird YouTube videos about Centralia and other phenomena, while intermittently hopping up to puke and shit and fart. I was so fucking sick. I felt like I was going to die.

My nostalgia for the little things in nature are honestly one of the most meaningful things in my life, and often something as simple as the sound of leaves quietly rattling across the ground on a damp autumn night evokes a deeply spiritual feeling.

It was likely a permanent Sharpee marker. Hopefully it holds up. Fingers crossed that I’m able to return there as a ghost one day to watch someone unearth what they believed was a map to the family treasure.

It’s always the most insecure looking dudes who take their profile pics with sunglasses on in the front seat of their Dodge Ram, or mildly muscular/tattooed guys who have taken 50+ successive shirtless selfies, smirking in front of a mirror. It’s even funnier when you note how many times they went back through their old pics and re-posted the previous ones.

It’s been a few years but I don’t remember that at all, but I’d be interested to see if I’m bothered by it on a re-watch.

There’s a phenomenal French horror series on Netflix called Marianne that my wife and I enjoyed immensely. I don’t usually shoot for that particular brand of horror (demon/ghost), but Marianne is fucking excellent. Can’t recommend it enough.

The masses know nothing of the crunch. They’ve never even been to the crunch.

My brother and I put a corked glass bottle down in an old defunct drainage pipe beneath my parents’ house. This pipe/canal is quite large and isn’t obstructed by the bottle, and the bottle can clearly be seen by peering into a hole in the cement of the basement storage room. Inside of that bottle is a carefully folder paper bearing on it a crude drawing of a cock and balls.

Weird that you pass through so much of Ohio and don’t find any peepee or poopoo within.

The Rizzler is the smaller brother here. He’s in the videos with the other two. I got a good laugh out of that little chubby kid being called the goddamn Rizzler, but other than that I had my fill of them after one or two videos.

I used to be over 350 lbs. with long, thin, greasy hair and a very pale complexion. My nose isn’t long, but it’s a bit pointy. Probably had dark eye sockets if I’m being honest about my health at the time. Anyway, my friend’s brother stood in front of me when we were sitting around drunk, and said “No offense, but you look like the Penguin (from Batman) right now.” Then went on to try to make that sound less offensive by suggesting it was just the lighting or the angle or something. But I knew what he was talking about. He was absolutely right. I never felt worse about myself.

Thankfully I lost all that weight over a decade ago. Shaved my head, got healthier, grew a beard, and had what my wife calls a tremendous glow-up. But I used to be the Penguin… So you should watch out.

My daughter’s pre-school just sent out a message this week that the kids are preparing for a Christmas concert. It asked parents to help them practice the lyrics in the meantime and then provided a copy of that atrocity. There’s like five other popular Christmas songs I can think of off the top of my head that are religiously neutral, but we couldn’t do Up On the Housetop, could we?

There really is no escaping her.

WHAT’CHA’LOOGINATMAHGUT’FER?!

Good & Plenty and Mike and Ikes.

Follow-up question: You guys still dealing with the Chupacabra?

Specific video game subs are what I miss the most. I used to be very active in r/stalker and r/teslore, r/trueSTL. There is nothing like that here that sees more than one post per month, and I’m not sure that I have the energy to commit to reviving it myself.

I also want to punch MAGAs and their dorky red hats, but you don’t really get to tell them to remove them. That’s their dumb fucking choice. Not worth getting booted off a plane for. Your energy would be better spent walking past them multiple times during the flight to fart.

For a safer experience, you can slowly morph into a giant nose that smells crime.

That explains all the bots.