I consider myself a misanthrope, but, Reddit showed me my opinion of humanity was STILL too high

Lies typically work better when you don’t admit that you’re both lying and intend to do it again.

Correct

People say Rockstar just “Isn’t a rockstar anymore”

No, this is pretty much how I expect from washed up rockstars who’ve sold out and only care about reliving the glory days. Constantly shouting “Don’t you know who I am?” when anyone gives them any grief.

I vibe to this because my BF recently got into Runescape and he was like “You play this?”

Then I walked him through various quests and kept hooking him up with new armor and like a shit ton of Rings of Life.

Is that why we don’t call it Asperger’s anymore?

Indeed, this is what we called “Okay, now that you’re using the loophole against us instead of the other way around… We don’t like it anymore.”

Jesus Christ

“Would you rather have a dead son or a living daughter?”

God, if only that’s how it worked when I was a kid.

I was totally that guy who was “just kidding” and “just thinking aloud” about what it’d be like to be a girl… but… like “Not really, cause I’m totally a straight dude. I just wanna grab my own tiddies.”

Now I’m a woman, and I just grabbed my own tiddies for fun.

Worse, they don’t actually think it works. They just care about the NRA’s blood money more than the lives of your children. THEIR children are in private schools with procedures in place to prevent this from happening.

No see, if we have bible studies in school, that would turn all the bad students good because teenagers are known for being very receptive to religion. Just ask Reddit!

(I’m being sarcastic as fuck)

I used to be lukewarm on the issue of gun control, ya know… “Yes, it’s a tragedy… but, we’ve got a second amendment, just increase security in schools or something.”

But… eventually it got to the point where I realized I felt nothing hearing about the dead kids and the constant shootings. I was just completely numb to it, and that’s when I realized “Oh shit…”

When I found that the death of children wasn’t something that even made me flinch anymore, I realized… That even if we have to destroy every gun in the West, something has to be done.

“They’ll just use knives”

And when you can kill as many people with a knife in as short of a time as an AR-15, that’s when I’ll give a shit about knives.

PS: I totally call it the Assault Rifle 15. I know it’s the “Arma Rite 15” or whatever, but it pisses conservatives off when I get it wrong intentionally.

I miss the forbidden R-Word

To be fair there are a lot of factions that accept Climate Change as a reality, they just think it’s a good thing because the end of the world means they go to Heaven and their enemies go to Taco Bell

Based

Jill Stein is an autism-denying alternative medicine loving transphobic nutjob.

They tried to make a modern Heathers… and it REALLY didn’t work.

Mel Brooks did an animated movie called the Legend of Hank that was more or less a kid friendly remake of Blazing Saddled to prove he could make it today.

Funny story Mel Brooks actually did an animated version of Blazing Saddles called The Legend of Hank to prove that he absolutely could make it today.

It’s basically the same concept but with samurai instead of cowboys.

“Ain’t no business like shogun business.”