I can’t conceive of people wanting to glue fake plastic eyelashes on their eyelids and not think it makes them look like a circus clown.

Yet people do that all the time.

People are generally pretty stupid.

When my spouse is feeling down, potatoes solve all problems.

This is how the internet used to be, for the most part. There’s no boatload of 27 JS and 15 CSS files to reference. There’s no batch of 110mb splash SVGs to load so I scroll down past 3 words and see 7 stock images before getting 1 sentence of information. It’s probably a 200kb site with a few 300kb images to load as well.

This is the work of an enlightened being.

The worst part is becoming accustomed to fresh, high-quality food and espresso within 100m of every human at all times.

Also, OP, why are you having “American Breakfast”? Where’s your croissant?

Eh - I mean, I’m not an asshole all the time, but I can be occasionally. I’m also not very stylish.

Wait…am I Linus Thorvalds? Nope.