Forget about everything regarding the word “should.” In your opinion whatever “should” be happening, whatever you “should” be doing, and whatever you “should” be able to do are all not only irrelevant but directly counterproductive. The disparity of how things are, how you think they should be, and how you lack the ability to reconcile these things however hard you tried is why you’re in this mess. Those expectations were probably unfair to you anyway.
Understand that your thoughts are not necessarily true. It’s natural to assume the things you are thinking are true because you’re thinking them. You actually don’t know if your conclusions are correct just because you intuited them. Especially the thoughts generated by a depressed mind should be put to scrutiny. You don’t have to lie to yourself and tell yourself things aren’t as bad as they are and you absolutely shouldn’t even try to do this. The thoughts to challenge are the ones saying it will always be this way no matter what you do or knowing what you know or experiencing what you experienced has made this kind of depression your fate. Your depressed brain doesn’t know this for sure however sure it feels. I used to believe these thoughts and I haven’t had reason to for a long time.
Starting over sounds way worse than it is. The way you were approaching things until this point put you on the path which lead you into this depressive episode. Whatever brought you to this point is clearly not serving you or anyone else and can’t continue. This may take some therapy, acid, or mind-journeys to figure out, but you may be able to cease or greatly mitigate the situation by making major life changes. Whatever you’re afraid of by making these significant changes, your present situation (bedridden with depression) is worse than anything that can happen when you start fresh doing things differently. Nothing could be worse then being unable to move and wanting nothing more than death to free you. Nothing about this state is natural, and although aggravated by the outside world, is also majorly influenced by your interaction with the world. It’s fully possible to get different results by doing different things or even dropping worthless self-destructive thought cycles.
Put yourself under the sun. Advising any kind of physical activity to someone whose depression is so severe they can barely move is silly. That kind of thing is further down the line. For now, you just need sunlight. It helps. Everything above is much easier to do laying motionless on the ground under the sun than it is in your dark bedroom.
This kind of depression sucks hard, I’m sorry you’re having to go through it right now.
Forget about everything regarding the word “should.” In your opinion whatever “should” be happening, whatever you “should” be doing, and whatever you “should” be able to do are all not only irrelevant but directly counterproductive. The disparity of how things are, how you think they should be, and how you lack the ability to reconcile these things however hard you tried is why you’re in this mess. Those expectations were probably unfair to you anyway.
Understand that your thoughts are not necessarily true. It’s natural to assume the things you are thinking are true because you’re thinking them. You actually don’t know if your conclusions are correct just because you intuited them. Especially the thoughts generated by a depressed mind should be put to scrutiny. You don’t have to lie to yourself and tell yourself things aren’t as bad as they are and you absolutely shouldn’t even try to do this. The thoughts to challenge are the ones saying it will always be this way no matter what you do or knowing what you know or experiencing what you experienced has made this kind of depression your fate. Your depressed brain doesn’t know this for sure however sure it feels. I used to believe these thoughts and I haven’t had reason to for a long time.
Starting over sounds way worse than it is. The way you were approaching things until this point put you on the path which lead you into this depressive episode. Whatever brought you to this point is clearly not serving you or anyone else and can’t continue. This may take some therapy, acid, or mind-journeys to figure out, but you may be able to cease or greatly mitigate the situation by making major life changes. Whatever you’re afraid of by making these significant changes, your present situation (bedridden with depression) is worse than anything that can happen when you start fresh doing things differently. Nothing could be worse then being unable to move and wanting nothing more than death to free you. Nothing about this state is natural, and although aggravated by the outside world, is also majorly influenced by your interaction with the world. It’s fully possible to get different results by doing different things or even dropping worthless self-destructive thought cycles.
Put yourself under the sun. Advising any kind of physical activity to someone whose depression is so severe they can barely move is silly. That kind of thing is further down the line. For now, you just need sunlight. It helps. Everything above is much easier to do laying motionless on the ground under the sun than it is in your dark bedroom.
This kind of depression sucks hard, I’m sorry you’re having to go through it right now.