Yes, this is a real Am I The Asshole, not one where the answer is super obvious and the user is just looking to have their ego stroked.

My SO has BDD and genuinely thinks they look ugly naked. I think they’re 1000% incorrect and that they’re the sexiest human alive, and I would die happy if I could see them naked all the time.

I was diagnosed with a condition called Cone Rod Dystrophy which basically means I’ll lose color vision, then all vision. The timeline is anywhere from next week to 50 years from now.

I want to see them naked every chance I can get so I can cement it in my head before I go blind, but I feel gross for posing that as a reason to let me see them naked.

Like, in the 10 years we’ve been together I’ve never even asked them for a hand job if they didn’t feel up to sex because I didn’t want to seem like a callous asshole, so this would be a big ask from me.

To add in complications, they’re also on the spectrum. Not a criticism since I’m most likely on it too.

  • village604@adultswim.fanOPEnglish
    14·
    13 hours ago

    The hard part is that they’ve stated that the reason they don’t offer to get me off when they’re not up to sex is because I don’t ask enough, but I don’t ask enough because if they’re not feeling well enough for sex then it seems shitty of me to ask for personal gratification at all.

    But it’s really hard to gauge when they’re not feeling well enough to do anything, and when they’re well enough to do it

    Not that me cumming is directly relational to me seeing them naked, but it speaks to my hesitation to ask. Because I do ask to see, but they seem to intentionally conflate me asking to see with me asking for sex, even though I’ve explained that when I ask to see I’m literally asking to see them naked.

    I have asked for them to think of a way I can ask for personal gratification without seeming callous to their feelings, but like most requests of this nature it falls on deaf ears. Probably because they’re demisexual and don’t really understand a cis gendered straight male on testosterone’s sex drive.

      • village604@adultswim.fanOPEnglish
        11·
        13 hours ago

        Of course not, but when good communication is stifled by a field of eggshells, you do what you can.

        Our communication on the subject is pretty good, but that alone doesn’t solve the issue. It’s hard to see a way to open that line of communication without them being offended

        The hard part is communicating my needs without trampling on their feelings, because at a certain point the onus shifts off of me and I don’t want my SO to have that pressure