I don’t even know how to say this anymore without sounding like a damn broken record, but ever since Trump got elected in November, my mental health has been slipping. And lately it’s not just slipping. It’s more like I jumped off a cliff and freefalling toward jagged rocks.
I’ve done everything I’m supposed to. I stay active. I run 3 to 5 miles on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. I exercise 3 to 5 days a week. I spend time outside. I touch grass. But none of it works anymore. It just doesn’t take the edge off like it used to.
I know doomscrolling makes it worse. I know the news and social media are built to keep people angry and scared. I try to pull away from it. But even when I do, I get hit from another angle. My girlfriend sends me political messages all day long, like she’s trying to convince me of something I already agree with. I’ve told her to give me some space, but it doesn’t stop. It’s like she needs me to be in constant panic mode with her, and I just can’t do it anymore.
Lately I find myself dreading conversation. I don’t even want to hear another human voice. I’m tired in a way I don’t know how to fix.
I thought retirement was going to bring me some peace. I’ve worked hard my whole life. I thought I had earned some quiet. Instead, the world keeps getting louder, and none of the things I used to do to cope are cutting it.
Is anybody else feeling this way?
I remember waking up like the morning after election day in 2016 and was shocked why a competent woman lost against some bussinessman who was never in politics (this was way before I fully understood politics), I was rooting for Hillary to become the first woman president, I was already feeling very egalitarian at the time, and also because she’s a Democrat. Also because I immigrated to the US, so I naturally root for the more pro-immigration candidate. So yea I heard the news that Hillary lost despite having more votes, thats around the time I learned about the electoral college and that felt like bullshit. Luckily, I had derivative citizenship at the time, so I didn’t really think too deep.
But now this 2nd term is honestly terrifying. both the 2020 and 2024 election nights was just filled with dread, and now that fear has become a reality, doesn’t feel remotely to the first term.
Anyways, now my brain is so scrambled like an egg. Idk wtf is life anymore. Kinda having an “identity crisis” about my nationality/citizenship because that thought of potentially being deported is constantly lingering on the back of my mind ever since 2024 the morning following election night after the results were announced. I mean if I lose my citizenship, I’m gonna look so silly for ever refering to myself as an “American”. That’s like saying you’re part of the family, then your parents removes you from the will.
Oh yea I have no other citizenship. My previous country does no do dual citizenship, and its a dictatorship. Funny how I’m running from one dictatorship right into another. 🙃
Depression definitely does not mix well with political instability/autocratization.
The issue is there’s a large subset of people who view politics as their superbowl. I know these people. The stupidity is scary.