Garth Brooks was my personal Jesus (aside from Jesus) as a southern tween/teen, but I still have several bones to pick with him, among them Chris Gaines/The Lamb and a particular Walmart-exclusive concert at which I was the only attendee in my little town, making me feel even more like a total ass. Oh, and this. Yeeeeeah. But deep down I’m still pretty sure I’m gonna be in his band one day. And then usurp him as the new Garth.