The problem is it’s often difficult to admit you had abusive parents, and abusive parents love to describe themselves as just strict. So yeah it’s kinda a euphemism
Yeah. And a lot of parental abuse happens in gray areas and with good intentions. Sure you have obvious cases, and they’re common enough I’d suspect most people know someone or another who was a victim to one. But there’s a hell of a lot of parents projecting their fears, traumas, or other issues relating to their kids onto them hard enough to fuck them up.
Yeah, it’s a thing. Word usage varies. One range of the various usages of strict is adhering to, or enforcing adherence to, a set of rules. It can also mean that part of “strict” is enforcing discipline to maintain those rules.
Taken to its extreme, it edges into authoritarian behaviors. But the usual, more typical usage would be far less extreme.
As an example, ever hear of a strict vegetarian? That just means that don’t deviate from the diet. That’s it.
The problem comes in when the usage of it as unnecessary, arbitrary, and cruel enforcement of rules for their own sake takes over. There are plenty of abusive people that would call themselves strict, despite violating boundaries and social mores in the process, which means they’re just pretending.
But there is a difference between a kid being tightly supervised and abuse. There’s an even bigger difference for having expectations for a kid’s behavior and activity and abuse. Both of those are strict, but not abuse.
The key to that difference is usually in how boundaries are handled. You also get different outcomes, and if the methodology being used isn’t adjusted to the individual kid, it’s often going to feel abusive no matter what the intent is.
Not all kids are going to respond the same way to any parenting methodology. Twins can even respond differently. So you absolutely have to be ready to adjust what you’re strict about and how that’s applied if you want to stay in line with the right balance of structure, support, and freedom. What one kid thrives with, the next may utterly reject and be harmed in the attempt.
This post is starting to make me think people say “strict” strictly as a euphemism.
What I think it means: The parents never bend the rules for their kids.
What it apparently means: The parents have anger problems.
The problem is it’s often difficult to admit you had abusive parents, and abusive parents love to describe themselves as just strict. So yeah it’s kinda a euphemism
Also, when you are raised with abuse then it is hard to recognize abuse.
Oof, that’s a sobering realization.
Yeah. And a lot of parental abuse happens in gray areas and with good intentions. Sure you have obvious cases, and they’re common enough I’d suspect most people know someone or another who was a victim to one. But there’s a hell of a lot of parents projecting their fears, traumas, or other issues relating to their kids onto them hard enough to fuck them up.
Yeah, it’s a thing. Word usage varies. One range of the various usages of strict is adhering to, or enforcing adherence to, a set of rules. It can also mean that part of “strict” is enforcing discipline to maintain those rules.
Taken to its extreme, it edges into authoritarian behaviors. But the usual, more typical usage would be far less extreme.
As an example, ever hear of a strict vegetarian? That just means that don’t deviate from the diet. That’s it.
The problem comes in when the usage of it as unnecessary, arbitrary, and cruel enforcement of rules for their own sake takes over. There are plenty of abusive people that would call themselves strict, despite violating boundaries and social mores in the process, which means they’re just pretending.
But there is a difference between a kid being tightly supervised and abuse. There’s an even bigger difference for having expectations for a kid’s behavior and activity and abuse. Both of those are strict, but not abuse.
The key to that difference is usually in how boundaries are handled. You also get different outcomes, and if the methodology being used isn’t adjusted to the individual kid, it’s often going to feel abusive no matter what the intent is.
Not all kids are going to respond the same way to any parenting methodology. Twins can even respond differently. So you absolutely have to be ready to adjust what you’re strict about and how that’s applied if you want to stay in line with the right balance of structure, support, and freedom. What one kid thrives with, the next may utterly reject and be harmed in the attempt.